i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
