I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Text me some of your sweat
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
