I must be too annoying 4 u.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
