Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
