terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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