Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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