we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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