The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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