She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
