Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
