So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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