I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
