She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
