She announced her abortion via fbk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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