In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
