Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
