Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
