You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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