Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
