Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
