Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
