Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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