I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
