Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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