I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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