It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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