Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
