i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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