i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
