i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
