May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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