thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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