I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
