normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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