just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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