At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
