well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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