you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
