Non-Jews are for practice
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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