I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
