I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
