I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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