Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
