Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
