I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
