i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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