Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
