Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
