google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
