plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
