omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
