shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
