Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
