You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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