Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
