It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
