i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
